Sunday Ponderings

For awhile, I've been thinking of something that I've learned about life, so far.  I remember a time in my life--shortly after I got married, I had somewhat of an identity crisis.  For so long, I was Susan H.  And now, I'm Susan O.  How was I supposed to be now?  What did people expect of me, now that I'm a married Susan H.--a Susan O.?  I remember talking to Howie and saying, "I don't even know who I am--I feel like I'm a conglomerate of a bunch of people I aspire to be like.  But who am I?"  (Poor Howard was probably thinking "Who is this?  Who in the heck did I marry?!")

I remember hearing this poem (is it a poem?) when I was young, and I liked it, so I am reposting it, perhaps for those that may have identity crises later on in life, or now.  If anything, for my children...

"Ever since I was a little kid I didn’t want to be me. I wanted to be like Billy Widdleton and Billy Widdleton didn’t even like me. I walked like he walked. I talked like he talked. I signed up for the high school he signed up for which is when Widdleton changed. He began hanging around Herbie Vanderman. He mixed me up. I began to walk and talk like Billy Widdleton walking and talking like Herbie Vanderman! And then it dawned on me that Herbie Vanderman walked and talked like Joey Haverland and Joey Haverland walked and talked like Corkey Saverson. So here I am walking and talking like Billy Widdlteon’s imitation of Herbie Vanderman’s version of Joey Haverland trying to walk and talk like Corkey Saverson. And who do you think Corkey Saverson is always walking and talking like? Of all people, Dopey Wellington….that little pest who walks and talks like me!"

We live in a world where there are so many comparisons to others--and usually we compare our worsts to other's bests.  It makes you feel like you'll never be good enough.  Now, I am in a place in my life, where I feel 'comfortable in my own skin.'  It seems I saw a quote once that said everyone you meet should somehow influence your life.  I've tried to do this.  I can honestly say everyone I have known has taught me something.  I had a roommate that taught me that not everyone will like me.  I had another roommate teach me that when I'm struggling with something, I can actually pray and ask for extra 'angels' to help me through.  There are so many people I want to be like.  I want to have endless energy like S.  I want to be able to happily offer to help others like L.  I want to be intellectual like T.  I want to give wise counsel like M.   The list goes on and on, as long as life is-maybe even longer.  So, I have learned not to get angry or jealous when someone is good at something, and I lack that skill.  I've tried to let those people inspire me--hang around them, as if I am around them long enough they will rub off on me.  Hmmmm, that doesn't sound right, but I lack the skill to convey my thoughts into words, like K does.  So, I will end now, and keep trying...